Poetry/Writing: Fontanelle

I have had a very interesting few weeks of late.  So many many streaming things moving through.  In particular I have been with the role of teachers, gurus, saints and religious figures and how we enter into an agreement with them and lose ourselves in the dream that they have something we do not have access to.  I have also seen some interesting examples of late about how people react when they see that their guru or sage turns out to have a personality.  I find it so incredible how thoroughly people are drawn to teachers who appear to have less personality and also advertise that they have very little of it remaining…as if that is a desirous trait.  People are so thirsty to not have a personality, so sure that losing that personality will deliver them.  It doesn’t.  It never will.  And deliver you from what exactly?  When I sense people projecting this in my direction, it can be felt a thousand miles away.  For me, it is an awful feeling.  To feel how much the person thinks I am what they wish to be, points only to how much more work they have before journeying all the way back to themselves.  A joke I have made often this week is that “when someone tells me that their teacher, or that they themselves have tremendous clarity”..that is when I quit listening.”  Why?  Because clarity is a momentary expression of something one sees…NOT who you actually are or what you embody.  And usually, the teacher makes sure to never get too personal about their private life.  What is their day to day experience really like?  What do they hate?  And if they don’t hate or feel fear…they just are not in the right environment for it to come out.  You know..it’s pretty easy to stay in an open and loving space when you are surrounded by devotees who think you are a being of love with a mission to spread clarity.  Like I said, it is monodimensional.  Clarity exists in a temporary and unique set of circumstances, like a rock that is only struck by sunlight for certain hours during the day.  After that sun shifts, who is your teacher?  And I am particularly drawn to this line of questioning because of times that I have been placed very high on a pedestal also…by myself and by my clients, friends or students. I also experience very specific memories of past lives as one of those “teachers” who thoroughly enjoyed exploiting the power that comes with worship.  Worship is love in reverse.  As long as we have fervent worship, harmony will not reside in the heart of humanity.

So, I have been being with all of this and wondering how to effectively offer an inside view to other’s of my inner experience.  In case anyone is wondering I am a personality.  It isn’t something I have or do not have.  It is what I am.  But if you look closely at the nature of reality, it is always changing, always shifting.  Who am I when  the sun is not shining on me?   I will never share all of it.  Because when you interface with people the way that I do, you dearly enjoy having some secrets you keep to yourself.  I relish having at least something that feels like it belongs to me.  But I feel better saying out loud that I keep them, instead of perhaps pretending that I have transcended that which is never transcended.  The following poem/writing was twice as long as it is now.  I took out half of it.  It had all sorts of personal things in there.  I wrote about my life with my kids.  I wrote about how it feels to be me in the world.  I offered every unburdened detail.  But you know what?  Anyone is free to engage with my heart…but my personality is a sacred space that I only let a handful of people see.  For me, sharing my heart is the easy part.  My personality is the thing that I guard.  And I love it that way.  I suppose in a way that is what happens in my healing work.  I tend to see rather quickly the deepest parts of the other’s hidden personality.  This may be because that is what is most unloved in them by them…but what I tend to love the most about me, and in others.  Yes.  It is easy to love an open heart or any heart.  But to love the personality.  Ah yes, isn’t that the missing other half of each of us?

Fontanelle

Will the world wait
while I do this?

Do I have enough time
before the fontanelle
ossifies?

Will everything stop spinning
so I can see
about standing up?

How many circles
are inside
of this circle?

If it’s always new…
how will I ever
get used
to who I am
when I’m not
or
to them
when they are not?

We are a species
on our knees
but who wants to know?
And can you still
go out for ice cream
with your children
while you feel
the dying under a building
in Syria?

What does one do
when Hafiz seems
trite…?
he didn’t have shared custody.

What does Rumi
know about that field…?
he never ran across it
with his family screaming
as planes
with bombs came down
right or wrong.

We don’t come here for the freedom
that we all end up seeking.
We come here to learn how to love
against all odds while in a body…not to achieve
some ultimate freedom from karma.

We come here to heal, to hurt, to maim, to repair.
We come here because we choose to.
We come here to have the illusion of choice.
We don’t come here to learn how to be God’s
or masters of reality.
We come here because we are God’s,
curious about what powerlessness feels like.
We are divinity that wonders
what it is like to have to heal,
to have sore backs,
to fail at things for a long long time.

For beings in the spirit world,
coming to Earth is heaven,
it is an answer to a prayer
for embodiment.

No awakening
is required
to fulfill
your destiny.
Breathing
is fulfillment
enough.

You
are a temporal incarnate
where name, gender and ethnicity
have no meaning.
There is just a ceaselessly
regenerative
divine
presence
having the experience
of personhood.
Let loving personhood
be enough.

This life,
is a newborn,
you
are a fontanelle
that will never close.

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About skymeetingtheground

Healer, poet, author, yogi, single father...outdoorsy guy.
This entry was posted in Essay, kundalini support, Meditations, Past lives, Poetry, prayer, satsang, silent darshan and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Poetry/Writing: Fontanelle

  1. Sandra says:

    I like this, thx Charlie:)

    Like

  2. Janine says:

    Oh Charlie….I am appreciating your realness. Thank you. I appreciate your gift of expression that speaks to me in this writing….and the courage you have to choose to use it. Your words have helped immensely. Your words ring true for me. Thank you.

    Like

  3. Mike & Sarah says:

    Well said. We like this a lot. Poetry, history and metaphysics rolled into real life… Great.

    Like

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