The person hurting you can’t stop the person who hurt them. That feeling needs a place to go. Bottled up inside it destroys them. Released upon another and it leads the person to feel somehow empowered, victorious even. Through coming after you, they feel they honor the hurt by giving it a name and a face to attach to. Through not being able to name or face the person who hurt them originally…their hurt has life through you.
The person who hates you…hates-and has been hated. You are second on their list and they are first, they just have the two confused from time to time. Through hating you, is likely the only way that they will unravel the truth of how much they have yet to love themselves.
When a human being is overwhelmed, other’s needs become invisible to them. In their struggle to find the thread again of where their familiar life went, they will be looking narrowly and focused on the smallest of issues intensely. It will be as if they are literally looking at the head of a needle. When you belong, through association, to someone going through this, you won’t be able to matter to them. An overwhelmed spirit in a body, having seen and experienced things that people shouldn’t have to…will go through times when surviving takes up all their life energy. They are going places you can’t go. To those around people going through this…it will feel as though you’ve been forgotten by them. And it isn’t that your are forgotten. It’s that they can’t see you. It’s that they are trying with all they have to remember how to see the good in themselves. Sometimes God hides best behind the things that some of us should never see.
There are times though when a person can’t see past a thing. A new persona is needed by them to create a different reality “set”…a reality version that is relatable, believable, sustainable to them. A personality with a different script can come into being that explains to the overwhelmed, how things are, how they came to be…and to the outside viewer they will know that this new identity isn’t the person they remember. But to the person surviving, the only way this protective personality can do its work, is if the survivor totally believes that they have always been this way…that their version of reality is totally undeniable.
At times this new persona who is “doing their best” can also display behaviors that can only be described as “awful”. But are they awful people?
I think it’s the most accurate to say that we are all surviving. Underneath our basic needs being met…once the food, water and safety are met…all of us are surviving what it means to be a human in a body, trying to make sense out of what happens to us here. So called Awful People are literally doing the best they can. So though it may not be good enough for us to want to be close to at times, it is still their literal best.
But anytime someone isn’t viewing the world in a loving way, it is always a symptom of feeling disconnected from God, from love, from a kindness driven purpose. And if you live long enough, that not only describes people you do not like, it will describe people you care about more than any others. And at times it will be a description fit for you.
Let heartbreak be your anchor. Stay close to what hurts you and make friends with it. Nothing sneaks up on you when you are holding hands with it.